Member-only story

10 Post Break Up Lessons that Helped Me Heal

#1 — Unfollow him on Facebook, duh

Brenda Fredericks
8 min readJul 23, 2019
Photo by Summer Hokulani Engman

1. Unfollow him on Facebook

It took me many months and a lot of tears to figure this one out. Before that, I would get really triggered and it took me days or even weeks to get clear. It was debilitating. I needed a boundary because even when I decided I wouldn’t look on his social media, the pull to see what was happening was so strong — can you say addiction? Kind of how you drive by a bad accident, cover your eyes to avoid the massacre, but you peek through your fingers to look at the blood. It was taxing on my nervous system and kept me in a constant state of upset.

I realized I could be waaaay more loving with my frazzled nervous system. I was terrified to unfollow him and I felt my grief as I clicked unfollow. My fingers hovered and hesitated but I knew I had to do it. I cried for a minute afterwards and then felt a rush of joy in my body - I finally felt like I could breathe.

2. Create new healthy references for my favorites

What to do with all the memories and countless associations of eating Thai, tacos and salmon with broiled cauliflower together? At the beginning, every bite felt like torture. But as I worked on creating new experiences for myself—…

--

--

Brenda Fredericks
Brenda Fredericks

Written by Brenda Fredericks

Musings on being a Woman and a Mother on a Spiritual Journey. In service to Truth and Joy. Cohost: Desire as Medicine Podcast. https://www.brendafredericks.com

Responses (1)