Alchemy of Pain to Compassion
Healing After My Father’s Suicide
Last night, my sister told the story of when she found our dad after his suicide attempt.
She called to check on him and when he was slurring his speech, she drove over to check on him. I was away for the weekend and we were all concerned because he wasn’t himself. How unwell he was, none of us comprehended.
He was supposed to go on the weekend trip with my husband and me to a family wedding in Rhode Island. He called early Saturday morning as we were getting ready to go to the airport to say he wouldn’t be going with us — but he was going to stop by to drop off our plane tickets. This was 2001, when we had actual paper plane tickets. I told him to bring his suitcase just in case and we would talk about it.
He was adamant — he would not be bringing his luggage and there was nothing to talk about. He wasn’t going.
I don’t regret going on the trip. I made the best choice at the time. It was pretty rare to have a weekend away — with plane tickets, a hotel and a babysitter for our children, who were two days shy of 6 and 3.5 at the time. Plus it was my husband’s birthday and we were looking forward to the time alone, dancing and celebrating.
