Member-only story
Holding the Weight of Desire
and why it’s not about the attainment at all
de·sire . dəˈzī(ə)r/ . Noun — a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
One winter, I played a game with desire. I wrote my desires out and handed them to my partner. They ranged from laugh hysterically, take me out for Ethiopian food, surprise me with flowers and take me to Bali.
He fulfilled many of them one by one. He cooked me dinner, took me to my favorite restaurant and for a walk in the woods. It was thrilling to receive each one, never knowing when, or if they would come. I felt giddy and grateful in the receiving.
And then:
Him: I am working on your desire list. I want to get you your favorite perfume.
Me: Ohhhh! Thank you, love. (I really wanted that perfume!)
Him: (joyful and determined) Alright! I’m going to get it.
Over the next few months, conversations sounded like:
Him: (slightly perturbed) I’ve been looking in all the stores and cannot find that perfume you want.
Me: Thank you for looking. You can only order it online.
