the heaviness in my heart
tugs and pulls
sometimes i forget it’s there
like when i get a phone call or hear a funny joke
and then like cold water over my head,
BOOM!
Bottom left heart quadrant
hangs heavy
like wet laundry
l i n g e r i n g
and you’re all mixed up in the fire
the moon, the laughs, the slow heat
the room we used for the very last time
before it went up in flames
i said goodbye to you
because i desire the heat of truth
and that house was engulfed
like my heart, with the love of it all
we sat at the kitchen table only yesterday
eating toast and talking about
fire — karma — power
witchy women gather and talk
and squeal at pretty homemade bathrobes
beautiful sunroom windows
open hearts to the woods’ soul
ancient wisdom
and love and
magic
in these trees and memories
of path walking, laughter and tears
burned, crisp
i know these ashes too will
alchemize
into something divine
a fruit of some kind
but i do not know what
because it’s hot over there
and heavy in here
still.
so for now,
the ashes settle
and i write and sit and talk
and people say my goodness thank god nobody was hurt
and people say thank goodness everyone left for the city
the bathrobe with the embroidered yonis
happened to be in her backpack
and so it was spared.
but the stuffed monkey, no
the art, no
the stained glass, i don’t know.
my dreams up in smoke, she said.
and i say
i love you
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