To The WomanWho Fooled Around with My Boyfriend at the Bike Path
I used to hate you.
I used to daydream about the day he would cheat on you with some other woman. And then you would know the pain that I felt. In my vision, you would weep with pain and I would finally feel vindicated.
I wanted to lash out at you so many times but I always stopped myself, mostly out of ego and pride. I could feel how nasty I wanted to be towards you — how twisted and sinister my words would be. Honestly, I was desperate to rid myself of the pain.
The last time I texted you, I was angry. I told you that when I was at my most vulnerable, you were not a friend to me —instead, you were the opposite — you stepped on me and undermined me. You made it so much harder for me back then. I felt really alone.
The truth is, I know that I basically handed him to you.
I encouraged him to enjoy you in our open relationship. It felt great to be so generous with my man. But I got really confused because that day at the bike path, you TOOK him. I was angry because I had been generous with you and I felt taken advantage of.
I really could have used a friend at that time. It left me feeling righteous.
There is always a moment of truth when we choose one way or another. We always have free will.
And I want you to know that I totally understand your choice. I have made that choice in my past, too. Sometimes we are starving and we take what isn’t ours.
I got to feel the other side of that coin and I will tell you, it hurt like hell.
Your choice changed my life.
The Other Side
It’s tricky to make sense of events in life that cause such deep hurt. And yet, it’s because of the events that occurred that I am living the life I am now.
Feeling appreciation for you one moment earlier than right now would have been a spiritual bypass because there was so much darkness in there. So much anger, hurt, blame and victimhood — it all wanted to be felt and eventually, lifted.
So my journey has been a reconciling of sorts. An acceptance of what IS.
And believe me, I went kicking and screaming a lot of the time. There was a lot of love, a lot of hurt and a LOT of resistance. Healing takes as long as it takes and that is that. I am grateful to be here right now, because the hurt of that day has been a heavy burden for me to carry.
The biggest obstacle has been my ego and my stuckedness in victim consciousness. I believed for a long time that this was done TO me and my biggest shift was in understanding that this was all FOR me.
A lot of deep healing has created space for all the fruits of my labor to surface. It’s a joy to feel and experience. I love my life.
I love who I am, I love my resilience, my newfound sense of self, my internal power and how I am sharing my gifts in the world. I love the woman and mother I am. I am the lover and compassionate being I am because I got to go down to the deepest darkest depths of my soul and emerge as the woman I am today.
And it wouldn’t have been possible without your role that day at the bike path. It feels sensational in my body to say this and I type through shaking hands. But it is so very true. I am ready to admit it to myself and to you. It is the next layer of my healing and letting go.
What I want to say to you now is Thank You. Thank you for your role in the climax that ended my relationship.
I am very clear that I am on my path 100% and that includes exactly where I am in this moment — a single entrepreneur, a writer, living in NYC, mothering, dating and enjoying my life to its fullest.
I wish you love and light in whatever you do in your life. I see your beauty, love, power and your karmic influence in my life.
What I am left with is a deep appreciation for you. Thank you ❤
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