Member-only story
Why I Declined New Year’s Eve Plans
with ritual, intention and wonderful women
When I was young, my grandparents drilled fear in to me about doing drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking.
My grandma used to say, “If you smoke and drink at the same time, you will die.” I took that very literally and never did any of it.
Besides, control was much more of a drug of choice for me.
In looking back at my family through the lens of the Twelve Step work I have done, I learned that my great-grandfather was an alcoholic and this was her way of ensuring the next generation wouldn’t get involved in that.
My grandma’s plan worked.
Drug culture for me started the summer before seventh grade, at an art and performance camp I attended. I had one real friend and together, we would avert all the kids doing drugs between classes.
Mostly they would smoke pot. One time an older boy offered me pills and my mouth went dry. I can still see his hand outstretched with his offering. I was so scared and I declined.
I never wanted to try the drugs. I was never curious. And I was always scared.
Another time, my friend and I found a bag of pills and flushed them down the toilet. I can still picture the blue pills swirling…
